This is me

I’ve probably tried to start 3 or 4 blogs, but spent tons of time designing and setting them up, but never actually wrote anything.

Ineffable Obsession

It’s happening again. I’m drowning in fandom.

On Cheating

I’ve been wanting to write about this for a very long time.

I’ve said “cheating doesn’t exist”. What does that mean?

Listless

I currently have several piles of laundry that have been sitting on the floor for almost a week. There is a load of laundry still in the dryer days later.

Anguish

I am so completely and utterly mentally and physically exhausted.

Photo by cottonbro: https://www.pexels.com/photo/photograph-of-a-person-with-her-hand-on-her-head-6951511/

Dad is dying

I wrote this in November of 2021 but never published it.

I received news the other day that my dad was not doing well. He already has Diabetes and Parkinson’s disease. A new thing he has is Gastroparesis. It’s a condition where your gastro track basically freezes up. You cannot digest, therefore you vomit. His weight is down to 116. That’s less than I weigh. He has also gotten to the point where he can’t tell if he needs to go to the bathroom so he has accidents. My mom is the one who is having to deal with all of this. Having to clean him up.

I am traveling to visit them in a few weeks. I am terrified.

Photo by Keenan Constance from Pexels

I believe I caused Covid

Let me explain.

Am I ready?

So I’ve become interested in a new man. I met him a little over a year ago, at the “funeral” for one of the nightclubs that had to close because of Covid. How strange that I should meet him there.

Disengaging

I think I’ve finally done it. I’ve finally broken free from the both of you.

You probably have no idea how much pain you’ve caused me. What a huge feat it has been in order to do this.

Begrudgingly, I knew it was unhealthy for me to keep hoping. Keep looking for some way in. Somewhere inside of myself, I knew it wasn’t going to happen.

I needed professional help, plus the distraction of another potential love interest, to finally disengage.

Alternate Reality

I hate visiting my parents.

Lately when I come here, I mentally count down the days until I can go home. To my clean, (relatively) uncluttered, comfortable apartment.

I hate their house. Every surface and much of the floor is covered with dusty stuff. Old stuff. New stuff. Stuff that has to be sorted. Donated. Fixed. Put away. Given away. Thrown away. Gone through. Or kept, because it needs to stay in the family.

Love is a 4 letter word

I have so many things to process. D and I had a date last night. We both said many things that have remained unspoken until now. We both admitted that.

Where to begin?