I’ve been invited to a “cosplay prom” recently. Being faced with the idea of actually wearing a “character” costume rather than just a literal prom dress (I was just going to wear my own prom dress from high school) is suddenly terrifying to me. I’m writing this to try to figure out why.
Behind closed doors your words ring hollow
What you said they’d be
What behavior? Who are you? But I like it
Now I’m done with nothing new, sometimes green, sometimes blue
And I’m guilty, and I’m guilty, and I’m guilty, and I’m guilty
And you’re guilty too
Kink: Slang.
1. bizarre or unconventional sexual preferences or behavior.
2. a person characterized by such preferences or behavior.
Fetish:
2. An abnormally obsessive preoccupation or attachment; a fixation.
I would venture to say that a kink or a fetish is also something that is intensely private. Unless it isn’t, by definition.
It’s not the same as saying you love Rhianna. Even if you love her A LOT. Like, really a lot.
It isn’t the same as going out on the dancefloor alone because dammit you love this song and you don’t care if it’s still early and nobody is drunk enough to go out there yet.
It isn’t the same as voicing your political opinions for abortion rights or gay marriage.
The Baader-Meinhoff phenomenon is the idea that a concept or thing you just found out about suddenly seems to crop up everywhere.
https://www.damninteresting.com/the-baader-meinhof-phenomenon/
Continue reading “I’m Baader-Meinhoffing the fuck out of my life right now”
I was taught never to speak your mind. You must put up with any misery that comes along in your life and never say anything in order to change it to make it better for you. You must abide by whatever you are dealt, because that is your lot in life. People have no right to make things better for themselves. Speaking your mind is the worst harm you can inflict upon someone, because after all, it’s your fault that you are there in the first place. If you wanted something different, you would have known it at the start and chosen differently. Some things cannot be chosen, they just are.
I am now coming to the closure of what I’m calling the most exhilarating, exhausting, intense, gut wrenching, obsessive, highest of highs and lowest of lows emotional roller coaster 3 weeks of my life.
I’ve recently been thinking about how I experience this thing known as sexuality. Of course, I believed I was straight for many years, but lately, that’s changing.
It’s happening again.
I’m drowning in fandom. I’m obsessed. Practically every waking moment, I’m thinking about it. I’m having trouble focusing on anything else. I’m almost glad it will be “over” in little over a week. I’ll get past it and it will fade. Until then, I have to endure the burden. However, its the most exciting, engulfing, sweetest perfection that has ever got a hold of me. It’s my obsession, and I absolutely love it.
So one thing about this blog, is that I’ve been terrified that anyone who knows me will read it, and know it’s me. Or be able to figure out that it’s me. Or be able to dox me somehow and figure it out.
Damaged Person in Repair 